it's a quarter after one...

spring break has officially started. but unofficially, there is not such thing as spring break. spring break is a figment of our imagination. because although i do not go to school for 9 days in a row, i have been loaded down with homework and study materials that would last a normal person 5 months. good thing i'm not normal. between lab reports due during spring break, to multimedia projects due after spring break, i feel swamped. and ap tests are in may. a month away. aand this is the time when i wish that spring break was more then just 9 days of of the high school building being shut down, but a complete mental vacation without homework and projects and staying up until 2 am. spring break is an all elusive thing standing right in front of me that i'll never be able to touch... c'est la vie.

back to the basics

school can get really really crazy. there's just a lot going on, especially for an AP student. and it's easy to lose sight of all that really matters when you're in the ratrace to be number 1 in the class. this week while i was sick... i just took a mental vacation back to the place where i loved to be.
i took time to play my music, which has always been so important to me...i took time to love it again, instead of trying to squeeze it into the busy schedule.
i took time to read just for fun. not that it was "fun" reading, but it was most interesting as it was true stories about the holocaust. a subject i am completely fascinated by.
i took time to listen to the music that i forgot and then proceeded to fall in love with again :)
i took time to SLEEP, something i have sorely lacked in the past few...months.
i took time to let loose and hang out without worrying about the amount of work i had to do.
...and somewhere in this i realized that although i value education higher than many things in life, it is not the end all be all. and my friends who place it as their number one priority have a hard time. sure they may be number 3 in their class, but they miss out on a lot by keeping their noses in the books most of the time. and ranking and gpa? is no sign of your intelligence. don't get me wrong, i completely value hardwork and intelligence...but if you can't live while working yourself to death by being number one, then it's not something i want to be.
i want to go to an amazing college, i want to have a successful career, but in the end, it's in God's hands. If I am supposed to be a Marine Biologist (not at all my calling, I can assure you), then God will make a way for me to be a Marine Biologist.
So I can stop stressing. It's not in my hands anyway. It's in God's. I'm coming back to living my life.

Not very good at this...

It has been 20 days since my last post. I obviously don't keep up with this...at all. But today I am home sick with a fever and sore throat. I'm sick of watching office re-runs and old black and white movies because if you don't have any one to watch them with...they lose their appeal. But feeling horrible has actually made me realized quite the important point that many times I seem to miss...that I take so much for granted. All I can think about right now is how amazing it feels to be in perfect health, but when I am completely healthy I take it for granted. My hope is that one day I won't take anything for granted, but realize how incredibly blessed I am... even when I don't think I am.
.
.
just a thought :)and i feel like falling asleep now...

breakeven

i love the script. and i just keep listening to this song :)

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no

oh pre-calculus...

Sometimes, I get into…a philosophical mood. Today, while procrastinating on my large Pre-Calculus assignment… I came upon something BIG. I guess math can do that to you…just kidding.

I thought that maybe every “trouble” and “problem” we have in our lives, we should treasure more. Because from these experiences, we learn. We grow. We expand from the state that we were once in, into a completely different place based upon our experiences.
We change.

And the really cool part about all of it is that God has planned this. He has planned the stepping stones along the way so that we will become the person he has planned for us to be. So that we will stretch and grow from the place where we are at and come to him for his guidance…and use the lesson from that experience to develop our own character.

Just a thought :)

i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing

i'm going to do something a little different. here's a few tidbits from songs i love :)

shining star, don't you see? when the whole wide world is staring straight at you, they can't see me ~dying star, jason upton

what am i supposed to say, when i'm all choked up and you're okay? ~breakeven, the script

hey jesus. are you still on the cross or are you feeling better?~ jason upton

Like a lovely melody that everyone can sing,
Take away the words that rhyme it doesn't mean a thing.~aubrey, bread

I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here...
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly...
when i think of you, i don't feel so alone
~ Vanilla Twilight, Owl City

it's hard to say i'd rather stay awake when i'm asleep, because my dreams are bursting at the seams~ fireflies, owl city

if my heart was a compass, you'd point north ~ owl city

more to come :)

in your presence-jason upton

Father, I am waiting,
I need to hear from You.
To know that You're approving
of what I say and do.
Cause nothing really satisfies
like when You speak my name.
So tell me that You'll never leave
and everything will be okay.
In Your presence, all fear is gone,
in Your presence.
In Your presence, is where I belong,
in Your presence.